There is this LINE. It’s the line that tells you at what point you are over-doing things. It’s a line that tells you physically you are doing too much; it tells you mentally you are doing too much. AND it tells you, you are doing too much emotionally…
For many people, the line is nice and thick and solid and although it moves a little bit from time to time – it is reasonably easy to know where it is…
AND then for many of us, especially those of us who are navigating this (ever-so-interesting) chronic condition path; the line is wavey and thin and often very VERY hard to see and feel. It waves about, glittering in the light like a fine thread. It CHANGES where it is day to day, moment by moment. Trying to do enough and yet not too much becomes a tricky thing to get right.
AND of course, if we judge it wrong, there are consequences that look different from the CONSEQUENCES for many other people. We can, for example, find chronic fatigue means we can’t get out of bed for days afterwards… We may have a migraine or brain fog.
I think what has happened for me is that my nervous system stopped trusting me… And to be honest, it was absolutely spot on. I had failed over and over again to make the right decisions for my WELL-BEING. I put other people’s needs before my own. I was a risk taker so that looked like accidents and dangerous situations. One of my main relationships was not a safe one. In the end my nervous system had had enough. It started taking things into its own hands, that looked like a quick shut down & a very wavey line…
I now visualise my nervous system as my 8-year-old self, with pigtails, a need for safety and to be heard… I now know that my PRIORITY is this 8-year-old. I have to listen to her and do everything I can to make sure she is alright. If she isn’t ok then I will be no help to anyone else… I also need to keep my senses open so I can feel her the moment she taps me on the shoulder; the moment she whispers to me… There is a great quote…
“Listen to your body when it whispers and then you won’t have to hear it scream.”
Our nervous systems are INCREDIBLE, they remember everything that has happened to us, even if we don’t. They have a job; to keep us safe and they will do that at any cost…
The sooner you are kind to yourself, the sooner you hear your nervous system & heed the LINE; the less likely it is that you will have to address any screaming.
And just to add to this. I have found, the more I pay attention and prioritise myself, the easier I have found the line to find. It waves about less; it is slightly more visible. My nervous system is pleased with my progress, it TRUSTS me just a little bit more than it did.
