Loving yourself – that old chestnut...
I never really got it.
It is said, you can't truly love others until you find love for yourself. I heard it & didn't really get it.
This last year, I finally have. It’s been a revelation. Turns out prioritizing yourself, your own mental, emotional & physical well-being is actually the best thing for those around you too. It's a win, win. Who would have thought it!
This is about being kind to yourself. Speaking to yourself with respect & love. How you speak to your friends, your children. How often do you chastise yourself? What you look like, what you have said, how you have behaved. The ‘could’ & ‘should’ do better. The ‘I am not enough’. It is hardly surprising, especially for women of my generation. We were raised to not be good enough. Images of the perfect looking woman everywhere. The perfect housewife, mother, business woman. We are supposed to do it all AND be intelligent and witty… But if we change this around and stop comparing and start celebrating and nurturing, it all starts to feel very different.
It's about checking in. Am I OK with this? How will this impact me? Would I ask this of someone I love? What advice would I give to someone I love in this situation? Does this (job, relationship, home etc) serve me? How can I change the circumstances to best work for me and my needs? Am I sacrificing too much? I have this conversation so many times with mothers. Mostly, mothers are incredible - & also often they come to me broken. This constant prioritizing someone else for years and years is unsustainable and in the end the body says no. This doesn’t look like turning into an arsehole, it just looks like stepping back and evaluating the situation. Often thinking about oneself is so alien, people don’t even know what it is they want, need or feel. They don’t know where to start. I suggest starting with the basics – sleep, relaxation and rest. Good diet and a movement practice. Prioritize these in your daily existence and other wonderful things will follow… Better health, mood & relationships for a start.
And the magic? It genuinely is better for everyone else. You are healthier & happier, so that energy spills out. You can show up in a consistent & sustainable way. Other people feel like they too can make the right choices for themselves. They see that putting yourself first isn't selfish (or it is & we have let the word have negative connotations.) Your children can model their behaviour around yours. Your partner gets someone who can really give and who can communicate clearly and kindly about their needs. Ultimately, happiness (once basic needs have been met) is based upon the quality of our relationships. If we are well physically, we are far more likely to be well mentally and emotionally… I won’t drift into a lengthy waffle about the nervous system here but I will say that if you are predominately in a relaxed, parasympathetic state, your access to positive social engagement is greatly enhanced. If you are anxious, depressed and overwhelmed your behaviour and therefore your relationships suffer…
Most of the people who turn up for a #WILDYOGIS wellness consultation do not know how to prioritize themselves. They are broken because this putting everyone else first is unsustainable. In the end you break. #fibromyalgia #me #lymedisease #chronicfatigue they are about overload, about the body not feeling safe, about being pushed & pushed. This is about sustained stress! They are ultimately about not knowing how to love yourself...
