The words written in gold on the wall of the studio at Dragonfly House read; love is always the answer.
When I first saw them, I like the sentiment and also my head said, ‘actually sometimes it isn’t’. Now, I know my head was wrong and I ask myself why it is that we so often listen to our heads over our hearts. Our heads are so full of rambling thoughts, which frequently are simply not true – yet we choose these over the heart. I have come to realise that it is my heart that doesn’t lie.
I forgive my head though; it had good reason to reach that conclusion. For I’ve had a lot of experience with narcissistic and psychopathic behaviours – and being a super empath, I have been manipulated and burnt as a result. People who are damaged can end up playing cruel games with those who have big hearts and because they are so far removed from where we are at, it can be hard to see it. And because we are so used to putting the needs of others first, we get pulled into the game over and over. We can be both easy and fun to play with.
Once I finally recognised the well-worn behaviour patterns, the tactics to pull you back in; the jumping from flattery to tears, the stories of injustice and persecution, the charm and the charisma, the tugging on your heart strings – I pulled away whenever I saw them, and I feared them. I didn’t understand the game, didn’t know the rules and I didn’t want to play. And also, I didn’t know how to express that in a way that didn’t compromise my core values – honesty and respect. So, I just gave it distance…
For me, all relationships are bound in these 2 principles, honesty and respect. But I had forgotten love and importantly, I had forgotten that my relationship with myself is also bound up in these 3…
That is why, love IS always the answer. If you love yourself, if you are honest and respectful to yourself, as a priority and if you are clear about this, to yourself and to others – the game can’t even commence.
And so, the magic of Dragonfly House permeates my very being and I have learnt to both speak my truth – with kindness and I have learnt to love myself. And this is powerful beyond the realms of the games of narcissists and psychopaths.
It is clear and boundaried and it is kind. It is about love but it is often not what people want to hear. It is often not how people want you to behave. It might not look like love to the damaged but they don’t know what that looks like. I guess that is the point.
Love isn’t weak, it doesn’t get played with and manipulated. Love is where the power is. The power to do good. The power to teach. It is both strong and safe. So, listen to your heart, not your head, for your heart does not lie and that is where the strength is, where we will find the change that brings joy… For LOVE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER…
