Happiness

Happiness, Happiness, The Greatest Gift That I Possess…

Do you remember it? I believe it was Ken Dodd…

It seems to me that there are glass half full people and glass half empty. And also, I know from experience - & what neuroscience tells us, that it is possible to choose happiness. It is possible to change from being a glass half empty kind of person to a glass half full. BUT it takes effort, conscious and sustained effort. I know, I’ve done it… We can change our neurological pathways; we can remould our brains – if we want to, enough.

For me, this has been a two-pronged approach. There is a cultivation of gratitude, a highlighting of all that is good. And then, there is an allowing, an acceptance, a letting what is, be here… If you are a do-y, control-y type of person, like me, that’s hard! It does, however, get easier.

Happiness begot from contentment, contentment from acceptance, acceptance from allowing…

This allowing, looks like sitting with what is. A noticing of feelings and sensations. Maybe a naming of them can be helpful: fear, anger, frustration, loneliness, grief, craving, disappointment. A recognition of them without loading them with anything else, without judgement of yourself or anyone else. Notice and let it be. Simply letting the emotion, the sensation be there. Often, I find these things in my heart centre. Often, when I meditate, they are there. And I welcome them, I say hello and then I let it be. The thing about emotions is they move, if you let them. The key is in the word itself, e - motion. We have emotions for a reason, they are all part of this rich web of survival strategies that have developed over the millennia. And also, they are not real, they are passing stimulae, to get us to think and react. They are designed to cause a state of alert, designed to make us notice. Emotions do damage when we hold on to them. See them as facts or push them down because we don’t want to face them. What is required here is recognition. So, we sit and allow.

And the next step? To meet this allowing with tenderness, a supportive understanding. I often visualise myself as the small girl with pigtails trying to bring some meaning to the complexities of life that are whizzing through my newly experienced world. This helps me to bring a nurturing presence. That tenderness that arises from empathy. When you know someone is a bit lost but trying their best. Warm, kind, loving, a comforting hand upon your shoulder. Afterall, if we allow what is and accept it, it is just stuff. There is no judgement to be made. It is in the judgement – and in the actions and feelings that follow; that harm lies.

So, we allow with a tenderness – with an open heart. This is the path of love, the path to learning to love what is. This loving what is, brings contentment. Loving what is, lets us embrace life. It helps us to be kind to ourselves and to others. It leads to the construction of solid relationships built upon firm foundations of mutual love and respect. Loving what is helps us to see that striving for achievement and material possessions does not bring happiness. It shows us that enough is enough. It fills our hearts in the stillness. It lets us sit and be and smile…

I am not saying that we shouldn’t work towards things or have goals. Success can be rewarding on many levels and being the best version of yourself is absolutely tied up in all of this. What I am saying is there is a rich tapestry of considerations and happiness is about finding balance. One of the ways to recognise what this balance looks like is to sit with what comes up. In this super, fast world we find ourselves in, there is a lot to be said for pausing.

Experiment with this pausing, the allowing, the acceptance and add to it a bit of gratitude. With sustained practice contentment and happiness will follow. There will still be dippage, of course, not least because shit happens and things make you feel sad… Yet you will be more resilient, you won’t fall as quickly nor so deep. And this is infectious. The energy of happiness spills out. We owe it not only to ourselves but also to those around us, those we love, to make the effort.

“There is an infinite array of choices, one alone brings happiness; to love what is.”
Dorothy Hunt